Enclosed Heart, Hidden Treasures
Part Five: I Love You...

Author’s Note: Disclaimers except for Thaliah- and everyone, my computer got a few glitches as I was saving this Chapter – I was halfway through! Then it erased everything! Waaahhhh!!!! So, what you’re reading is a very much tried replica of the first half- I’m not sure, but I think this is a faster paced start than my last one, so I guess it turned out for the better except that it was more work for me.

Trowa walked across the silent hall, through the solemn sea of faces and shook his head… He still can’t believe what happened… It couldn’t have happened…

He looked at a student’s breast pocket and saw the ribbons he has seen on each student that he has encountered so far… Blue and black entwined together… The color for peace and death…

He turned on a corner and walked towards Thaliah’s room to pick her up, the way he started doing so during their third week of eating lunch together, but when he got to the classroom, he found it empty…

Trowa frowned… ‘She could have gone home… after all, school is dismissed early because of what happened…’ he felt a nagging sadness that he wasn’t able to see Thaliah at all today and started walking to his office.

He nodded to some sad students who were making their way to the exit and tried to think of something else to get his mind off the disturbing event that happened yesterday… Thaliah… yeah…

Trowa remembered her in gypsy clothes the night before his birthday… He reached his office, turned the knob and pushed it open only to find the person he’s thinking of, sitting on the chair in front to his desk, bent over her knees in a very dejected position…

Trowa felt panic start in him. ‘Is she hurt…?’ Is the first thought that went to his mind as he quickly walked towards Thaliah.

Thaliah looked up just as she heard the door open and saw Trowa walking to her. ‘He’s so composed… He’s strong not to let what happened affect him in anyway… I… I should be like him…’ She stood up from where she’s sitting and started to get embarrassed.

“I’m… I’m sorry to go into your office without your permission…” Tears threatened her eyes and Trowa stopped just an arm’s length away from her, looking into her shimmering hazel brown eyes…

“It’s just that…” Thaliah gulped in air to stop herself from crying and looked away, “I…”

Trowa suddenly understood… Relena’s death affected her deeply… He didn’t know what came over him, but he did know that he wanted to protect Thaliah from the hurt and pain, and to give comfort… His took a step forward and embraced Thaliah who slumped into him as if she just lost her strength.

“I can’t… believe that she’s… dead.” She whispered from his chest.

Trowa felt proud of this woman who is trying so hard to be strong at a moment that is very much painful to her… He remembered last night as he was watching the news, a calm voice floated from the screen while a picture of Relena, slightly smiling, appeared on the screen…

He had been dreading for this time… and now it’s arrived… He stared at the television as a reporter, puffy-eyed clearly showing that she herself cried, gave her report…

“Today, May 21st, the death of Ms. Relena Dorlian Peacecraft is being announced to the world… Peacecraft is pronounced dead as a will was uncovered in her files stating, “If anything happens to me, after three days that I am not found, pronounce that I am dead… If there is foul play, I will not let the people who have me use me as a tool to break the peaceful government of our world…” Being reported missing for a month already, her lawyers agreed to stop the search and follow through with her wishes… A special commemoration will be held tomorrow, May 23rd for her death…”

Trowa had closed his eyes as he felt disbelief. Yes, the whole world has been searching for Relena for a month now, ever since the week after his birthday when she was announced missing… The beaches were combed, seas were searched high and low, but there wasn’t a trace or a sign of Relena’s body and everyone tried not to let go of the fragile string of hope…

Suddenly, he remembered Heero and he opened his eyes, sympathy evident in his usually inexpressive eyes, ““I hope that you are all right, Heero Yuy…”

After a minute of silence, he continued, “Relena Peacecraft, ” he looked at the now blank screen, “though I have a feeling that you are still alive out there, if you are not, then, may you rest in peace.”

He stood up then and started walking to his room, trying to get a hold of Heero but to no avail...

Trowa looked down at Thaliah who fitted just right for his height and a feeling of utter belonging swept through him.

“Were you and Relena good friends?”

Thaliah nodded weakly, “We met at a party which… (she stopped… she couldn’t possibly tell Trowa that the party was being hosted by her brother!)… where I cooked and supervised the food…” Thaliah remembered Relena’s gracefulness during their first meeting, and that kind look on her face… “She exclaimed that she loved the food and wanted to meet the chef…” She smiled sadly.

Trowa nodded, “Of course…” He could just picture Relena doing so…

Then, Thaliah glanced down at her hands, crushed between their bodies, “She called for me then and so I went to her, very nervous… And I offered her my hand for a handshake…” a soft sad laugh escaped her lips, “But instead, she hugged me and complimented me. Then asked if I’d like to be her friend…”

Thaliah had seen the bereft and lonely look in Relena’s eyes, a feeling she often felt herself because of her family name… Because other than her sisters and brother, she has no real friends who would just like her for who she is and not because of what she could influence…

But Relena has no other family and Thaliah felt at that moment that they could be more than just friends… and they were… They were the best of friends…

Trowa rubbed Thaliah’s back reassuringly, telling her through his actions that if she wants to continue, he’s here to listen…

“Trowa, we were good friends…” Thaliah closed her eyes, ‘more than good friends…’

“She was even the one who gave me my letter of recommendation to this school…”

Trowa smiled slightly, ‘My gratitude to you, Relena…’ he thought.

They stayed that way for a few more moments until Thaliah regained her string of thoughts. Wanting to be strong just like Trowa, but knowing that if she stayed the way she’s enclosed in his arms, she knew that she’d break down and cry in front of him… She wrenched herself from his embrace, not looking at him and turned away.

“I… have to go now.” She started walking to the door.

Trowa felt as if she closed herself from him… ‘Is Thaliah actually closing him out? At her moment of need?’ Trowa couldn’t take it, he wants to help her and be a part of her suffering…

He walked up to her and reached out, “Thaliah…”

She stopped but didn’t turn around, “Yes…?”

Trowa let go, “I’m going to take you home. You’re in no condition to walk there by yourself.”

Thaliah smiled softly at his concern, “Thank you, Trowa…” She waited for him by his door and they went to her own room to fetch her things before going to the teacher’s lot for Trowa’s ‘old’ motorcycle.

~*~

Trowa stopped right in front of Thaliah’s house and walked her to her door. She looked at him, and smiled sadly,

“Thank you.”

Trowa nodded. He watched as she went inside her house and when she was about to close her door in front of him, he felt that she was also closing a door on their friendship… Trowa panicked and stopped the door just in time.

Thaliah opened it and glanced at him in confusion, “Yes?”

He looked at her eyes, “Would you like to watch Relena’s funeral with me tomorrow? At my house? We could make lunch or dinner there also…” Trowa stammered out the last sentence… She’s only the second girl he’s ever asked to spend time with him… The first time was his first love and he was turned down…. A feeling of dread encompassed him as Thaliah didn’t answer…

‘He’s asking me to his house…’ Thaliah could only stare at him in surprise… She has never been in his house, and knew- she could tell from very subtle hints on his eyes- that asking her is a huge step for him… Then she saw a quick glimpse of sadness in his eyes and she realized that she hasn’t answered him yet…

She smiled softly, “I’d like that, Trowa. Thank you for inviting me…”

Thaliah saw the look of surprise then joy in his eyes and she was given one of Trowa’s rare quick smile, “I’ll pick you up at 9 tomorrow then…”

Thaliah nodded and finally closed her door, feeling the tug-o-war of emotions in her; sadness for Relena’s death, and joy that Trowa might just be finally accepting her as a part of his life…

Trowa tossed the salad while Thaliah continued chopping some onions in the kitchen as they listened to the television inside the living room. Both looked up at the screen as they heard the introductory information being given out by a reporter,

“We’re here live at the Sanct Kingdom square where the ceremony will take place…” They showed an overview of the rebuilt kingdom.

“It’s so beautiful…” Thaliah whispered, then she turned away from the screen and started to finish chopping her vegetables. She wiped a tear with her sleeve and chopped more furiously than before.

Trowa could see her inner battle once again… Hadn’t he himself waged something akin to that when his parents died? He wants to be with her, the way that no one was there for him when he needed someone…

He walked over to her and placed a stilling hand over her arm, “Let’s do this later… The ceremony is starting.”

Thaliah was about to protest but Trowa shook his head, turned the faucet on and washed her hands, wiped it dry with a towel and led her to the couch.

She is so touched by his actions that she could only stare at him and be led…

“I’m going to put the vegetables in the refrigerator just in case this ceremony takes longer than we expected…” he turned away and Thaliah’s eyes followed his every move until-

“Mr. Quatre Rebarba Winner of the Winner Foundation, a well known pacifist and a very good friend of Ms. Relena Peacecraft…”

Thaliah turned around to look at her brother’s pale, sad face… “Oh Quatre… I’m sorry I can’t be there with you…” If she is, then Trowa will know her identity… It’s a small price to pay, but she couldn’t stand it if he will never talk to her ever again because she had lied to him… Last night, she almost impulsively called her family’s private plane to take her to the Sanct Kingdom, but Trowa’s face swam in her mind and she couldn’t…

Trowa looked at one of his best friend’s expressive sad face and felt regret, “Give my regards, Quatre…” he whispered… His eyes tried to scan for a familiar brown haired person but he couldn’t see him.. “Heero…”

He came back and sat on the couch, holding two glasses of orange juice, “Did I miss anything?”

Thaliah looked on at the screen, wanting to catch another glimpse of her brother, “They showed Quatre Winner’s picture…” she said as impassively as she could.

Trowa nodded.

~*~

Five hours later, the ceremony was finally over… Trowa turned off the television and they sat in silence… He is so surprised at the control Thaliah showed during the ceremony… He himself felt touched with what he had witnessed…

“Relena would have liked it… She always loved flowers…” Thaliah said softly as she stood up and went into the kitchen to continue their long delayed lunch…

Trowa glanced back at the blank screen, remembering the elegant open coffin with no body in the middle of the square, but rather, the coffin was filled with flowers from people who came to give their respect… One flower for each person… and the coffin was overflowing with all types of exotic flowers and roses…

He stood up and followed Thaliah’s actions. They worked in silence, and when it was time for lunch, they ate in silence…

Trowa had never felt uneasy with silence, but now, it seemed deafening and suffocating… He wants Thaliah to talk the way she usually does, the way it used to annoy him, but now… he finds her voice more calming than the silence he had lived in for so long… He wants to look at her and find that wonderful smile of hers shining for him the way it used to… He doesn’t want this sedated Thaliah who tries not to look at him and just stares at her plate of food…

Suddenly, a roar of thunder reverberated through the house and that seemed to put back some consciousness in Thaliah as she jumped in her seat in surprise.

Trowa caught her eye and saw the pain and sadness within her… the battle being waged to stand tall and courageous and not weep… A battle he has so often fought and far too often he chose the wrong choice…

Thaliah looked away from Trowa, not wanting him to see her weakness…

‘Thaliah, open up to me the way you usually do…’ Trowa thought and impulsively, he reached over to Thaliah and his hand closed over hers.

She looked back at him with wide questioning eyes, and Trowa held her gaze… Outside, rain started to fall…

Trowa smiled faintly, “If you want to cry, Thaliah, don’t stop yourself… A wise friend of mine once said to always follow your emotions…” It was all he could say… all he could think of.

Thaliah looked at him in disbelief, ‘But you don’t follow your friends’ advice, Trowa! You don’t follow it at all!’ She wanted to shout it at him, but she couldn’t… he needs to know, needs to come to that realization for himself…

She remembered one day when Relena had snuck out of a meeting at Gaia and went to her house. They were eating cakes and drinking chocolate milk when Thaliah had asked her if she had a special someone… A look of sadness had encompassed Relena’s face but as suddenly as it came, it was gone, replaced by a smile. “I do have one, Thaliah… But, I’m still waiting for him… He never said that he hated me, so I still hope that one day, he might come to me and tell me that he feels the same way… He needs his time to realize who he is and I respect that… He knows where to find me… And I know that I can only be happy with him, so I never tried to look for a substitute…”

Thaliah hugged herself as her body shook while the dam of tears that had been threatening to burst now just did. The hopelessness of her situation with Trowa… Relena’s death and the fact that she can’t be with her brother all crashed onto Thaliah and she rocked in her seat while she cried…

Trowa couldn’t stop himself. He stood from his seat and went to Thaliah, kneeling beside her and embracing her while she cried some more, not knowing what to do, but knowing that he wants to be here for her…

A few moments later, Thaliah finally regained her common sense, ‘There’s nothing I can do… Life starts and ends…’ Relena’s words came back to her- ‘I can only hope, Thaliah…’ I can only hope… She drew in a shuddering breath, ‘Take care Relena… I’ll hope too… I’ll wait the way you waited…’ Thaliah thought and the thought calmed her.

Trowa loosened his hold on Thaliah as he felt her starting to calm down… Thaliah suddenly looked up as Trowa looked down and their gazes met…

Trowa’s left hand cupped her cheek and his thumb brushed away her tears… Her eyes widened and Trowa could see the specks of green in her light hazel brown eyes… He doesn’t know what he’s doing, but he knows what he’s feeling… And what he’s feeling is the want to kiss this wonderful and usually talkative woman in his arms…

Thaliah couldn’t look away and she wasn’t sure if she moved herself, but unexpectedly, his lips was on hers… lightly kissing her as if tasting then, kissing her deeper but with all care…

Trowa has never kissed a girl and felt the way he did with Thaliah… Giddy with joy, ecstatic… wanting more… But they drew away from each other as both started to gasp for air…

Trowa looked into Thaliah’s smoky brown eyes and slightly smiling just-kissed lips… He has never felt so alive… and so much at peace, as if he finally found a place where he could live until he dies… He could see the future in Thaliah’s eyes and thought how wonderful Thaliah will be as a mother…

Thaliah smiled, ‘There… that’s the real Trowa… underneath all his indifferent, autocratic exterior…’

Suddenly, Trowa’s eyes widened as the very essence of what he was just thinking seeped into him… ‘I can’t… I shouldn’t…’ He isn’t someone who wants relationships and connections that would become important to him… He’s shut down that part of him a long time ago… Hasn’t he…? A voice inside him told him that he’s lying to himself but Trowa ignored it…

Thaliah could see Trowa going back inside him, hiding from her once again… She sighed inwardly as the joy she felt was doused… ‘Hope…’ Relena’s voice echoed in her… Yes, she’ll hope and wait until he’s ready… just like Relena…

Thaliah leaned against the backrest of her chair while crossing her arms over her chest and gave Trowa a beguiling smile as she tried to act as if the kiss meant nothing to her, “That was nice… We should do that again.”

Trowa almost fell backwards at her nonchalant I-don’t-care-what-happened voice… He felt anger rage in him as he stared at Thaliah in disbelief… ‘Didn’t she feel it? Didn’t that kiss mean anything to her at all?’ Trowa frowned at himself… ‘Wait… What am I complaining about… I’m the one who doesn’t want that kiss to mean anything…’ He tried to quell the anger in him and made himself smile faintly.

“Yes, we should do that again.”

Thaliah nodded, surprised at her own boldness, “How about now?”

Trowa once again almost fell on the floor at her request and almost shouted, ‘What?!’ at her… But, who is he kidding? He wants to kiss her again, too… So, he nodded and Thaliah’s arms went around his shoulder and once again, they started to kiss…

“Thaliah… don’t you… feel… awkward doing… this…?” Trowa asked through kisses.

Thaliah wanted to say ‘yes’ but she just shook her head, “We’re… just two friends… who likes… kissing each other…” she answered back.

School has been officially over for over a week now and it has been two months and a week since Relena’s disappearance, a month and a week since her funeral…

Thaliah looked down at Trowa who has his head on her lap. They’re back in the park where they ate their first picnic together, right on the same spot… She lightly combed his bangs away from his closed eyes and a faint smile appeared on his face.

Thaliah smiled… After the funeral, Trowa seemed more open than before… He’s smiling more often… although not in the company of other people. She gambled a chance, wanting to get to know him better.

“Trowa… tell me about your family…”

At the question, Trowa’s eyes opened and a troubled look passed over his eyes… his family… He looked up at Thaliah and only saw concern… and somehow, he wants to tell her, but… telling her will lay his true self bare in front of her.

“It’s all right, if you don’t want to tell me…” Thaliah said as she saw Trowa’s eyes… She felt sad that he doesn’t want to open to her as of yet… but if the pain is still fresh… then she understands…

But somehow… words tumbled from Trowa’s mouth as he sat up and turned away from Thaliah, “My parents were killed when I was ten…” Yes… the pain is still there… But, Thaliah placed a hand on his shoulder and suddenly, the pain seemed to ease, “I saw them die in front of my eyes…” Trowa’s hands balled into fists, “And I couldn’t do anything about it… I could only cry…”

He felt the tears brim up in his eyes once again as he remembered a soldier slapping him hard across his face telling him to shut up… To shut up and be quiet… Quiet… The soldier had said that no one cares… and Trowa believed him… He learned to mask his true self that he almost lost his real being until Catherine and Quatre showed up in his life, and later… Heero and Duo… And now… He looked at Thaliah… You…

Thaliah placed her head on his shoulder, “You must have loved them so much…”

No sympathies… but somehow, what she said means more to him than sympathy and Trowa nodded.

“Is that why you don’t have a home?” Thaliah asked as she looked up at him.

Trowa frowned, “I have a home…”

Thaliah shook her head, “You have a house, Trowa… not a home…”

He was about to speak once again to prove her wrong when what she had said registered in his mind… ‘Home is where the heart is, my dear…’ his mother once said…

“I have more than one home… I’ve got sisters who lets me go to their houses and they welcome me with open arms making me feel welcome and a part of them…” she started as she reminisced about her sisters, ‘I’ve also got a caring brother…’ she added to herself…

“You see, for me, you can have more than one home. If they welcome you and love you, then that is a home… But I’m still looking for my special home… That one very special home where I can start my family and live happily…”

Trowa stared at Thaliah as she looked at the pond beside them… Somehow, he understands what she’s saying… But… His old thoughts came back to him… thoughts that he can never have what she is saying for fear of loosing someone he loves as he lost his parents…

“You are an idealist, Thaliah…”

Thaliah looked at him with a wistful smile, “Ideals helps makes the world a better place, Trowa… It also provides hope to the hopeless…”

He couldn’t say anything then… He just stared at her in confusion that he had felt since he first saw her… since the funeral all jumbled inside him…

“It’s time to go.” Trowa finally announced as he stood up.

Thaliah sighed… ‘That is the best way to close a conversation…’ she thought but, she just gave in and they rode back to her house in his ‘old’ motorcycle in silence…

Thaliah looked at her phone for the hundredth time that day… Trowa hasn’t called her for over four days now… ever since that day in the park… Maybe she’d overstepped her boundary too much this time…

She glanced outside and saw the bright afternoon sun beckoning for her to come outside… With one last look at the phone, she went out of her apartment and started to walk. She really didn’t know where she was going to… She stepped into a bus and was glancing out of the window when she saw the park they went to four days ago, and that one Friday afternoon… Calling the bus to stop, she walked into the open park and breathed in the fresh air.

‘What did I do now…? Is he mad at me…?’ she thought to herself as she reached the other end of the park, nearing their place…

She stopped as she heard a haunting sad melody coming from someone playing a flute at her spot… The park had enough trees so, she hid behind a tree, not knowing why, and listened to the music…

She tried to catch a glimpse of the person playing the flute and saw the familiar brown hair and face…

“Trowa…? I didn’t know that you can play…”

‘It’s so sad…’ she thought as she leaned against the tree trunk and let the music envelope her…

~*~

Trowa frowned in concentration as he let his emotions out through his music… He went out to the park to think… To think about Thaliah and his… what he is feeling towards her… He is so confused. He has only been confused twice in his life, when his parents died, and when Catherine had slapped him… and now…

What is it with her…? How can he think of a future when he knows perfectly well that he cannot have one?

‘You’re too afraid Trowa…’

Trowa looked up, abruptly stopping his music at the sound of Catherine’s voice… He shook his head and went back playing to his flute… Phrases of old conversations with Catherine filtered in his mind.

‘I’m not afraid Cathy…’

‘You are, Trowa… There are people who love you. Me and your other friends… why can’t you see and accept that?’

Trowa’s frown deepened, ‘Because…’ he doesn’t have any answer… Yes… he is afraid… Afraid of loosing someone he loves once again… he doesn’t want to feel it ever again…

‘But you are feeling it, Trowa… You just won’t accept it… People die, it can’t be helped… But it is better to love than never to have loved at all…’

Trowa finished playing and he frowned… He remembered Heero… Where are you now, my friend…? What are you feeling now that the woman you love so much died without you ever being able to say how much you love her…?

He grimaced… What is he feeling anyway?! I hate this! Confusion, doubts… fear…

Thaliah what did you do to me?

He stood up, gripped the flute with his left hand then punched the tree with his right, “Damn you Thaliah Locklin!!!” he hissed out loud, but not loud enough to get other people’s attention…

~*~

Thaliah gasped as she felt pain in her chest explode. She feels as if someone just thrust a knife to her chest and she wants to die… As if he himself has shouted those four words in front of her face…

She turned away from Trowa as tears clouded her vision and she started running…

‘You’ve made your choice, Trowa…’ she thought sadly.

She reached the bus stop just in time to see a bus pull up. She boarded it and waited for her stop while she cried silently in her seat…

~*~

Trowa sighed… Who is he kidding? Why is he putting the blame on Thaliah anyway? If he’s being honest, he would rather have shouted that he can’t live not seeing Thaliah… or not knowing where she is… But why would he feel this way…? He’s so confused!

He stayed a moment longer under the tree and thought of Thaliah smiling or hugging him, kissing him and suddenly, he felt very happy…

He positioned the flute once again and started playing a happier melody.

~*~

Thaliah looked around her rented apartment… Everything was packed… She didn’t bring much anyway… The whole apartment was already furnished so all she brought were her clothes…

She looked at her kitchen where she spent her time cooking batches of cookies for Trowa and lunches and a tear dropped from her face.

Going to the phone, she called a private line,

“Jean, is the shuttle ready?” Thaliah asked in a quivering voice.

A wise male voice answered from across the line, “Thaliah, what’s this about? First, you tell me that you didn’t want to leave on the specified date that you were supposed to go back, like two weeks ago, and now, you just called me up saying you want to leave ‘period’?!”

Thaliah’s voice became cold, “Jean, you know me well enough to know I’m the impulsive one in my family… Now is the shuttle ready for flight or not?”

Thaliah heard her old friend sigh over the line, “Yes, Thaliah, it is… Just waiting for you to board it anytime at all…”

Thaliah checked her watch, “I’ll be there in 30 min…” then she stopped as she remembered Trowa… Half of her wants to see him before she leaves and tell him that she loves him… but the other half doesn’t want to…

“He deserves to know…” Grayson had said over the line when she got back this afternoon from her walk and called him to make him promise not to tell anyone who she is or where she lives…

“Thaliah..?” the voice asked at the other line.

Thaliah blinked and decided, “No, Jean. Make that in about an hour… I have… something important to do…”

“Alright, do you want a limo to drive you here?”

Thaliah shook her head, “No! I’ll take a taxi… I’ve already called for one…”

“Okay… See you later then…”

“Yes… see you…” and Thaliah let go of the phone… She glanced one last time around her, remembering how happy she was in this country, then went out of the door to lock it for the last time and entered the taxi.

“Where to, miss?”

Thaliah gave the directions and the car started to drive… ‘Trowa… please be there… Please be home…’ Thaliah prayed…

~*~

The taxi reached Trowa’s apartment and Thaliah forced herself to ring his doorbell…

She started to dread seeing Trowa and half hoped that he won’t be there, but when the door opened and she saw his clear forest green eyes, she couldn’t look away…

He smiled at her then, a warm smile that seemed to reach out to her and she felt herself going against flying back home… But… she remembered what she had heard this afternoon and her resolution strengthened…

She forced back her tears as she smiled up at him, “Trowa.”

Trowa knew her well enough to notice that something is bothering her. “What’s wrong, Thaliah?” he quickly asked in a concerned voice.

He saw surprise in her eyes but it was quickly wiped by a cheerful look.

“What makes you think that there’s something wrong..?”

Trowa shook his head… ‘I don’t know… but whenever you’re concerned, I’m always confused, Thaliah…’ Trowa thought…

Thaliah knew that she shouldn’t stay any longer and flung her arms around Trowa’s waist, looked up and pressed her lips to his in a deep kiss… then she let go.

Trowa’s eyes widened in surprise and he opened his mouth to say something, but Thaliah placed a finger on his lips.

Her eyes seemed to shimmer… maybe it’s because of the sunlight… Trowa thought as he looked down at her overly cheerful face.

Thaliah was forcing herself not to cry as she tried to memorize Trowa’s features…

“I…” her voice broke. Taking in a deep breath she tried once again, “Trowa, I hope you won’t think of me impertinent saying this…” Thaliah started, “But I wanted to tell you that…” she breathed in deeply, “I love you very much…” She placed her finger on his mouth once again as she saw it open.

“You don’t have to say anything, Trowa… I… I just wanted you to know… that’s all…”

She traced his face one last time her pain hidden behind a mask of cheerfulness, “I have to go and visit a friend this afternoon and I won’t be home until very late…”

Her hands went around his neck for the last time and brought her lips to his ear, “Good bye, Trowa…” she whispered.

Then, she was in front of a cab, waved her last wave with a smile and went inside.

“Let’s go, to the airport.” Thaliah ordered to the man and he complied.

He tried not to look at the woman in his back seat as he heard the sobs escaping from her lips…

~*~

Moments later, they are in front of the airport and Thaliah directed the driver where to go… They were met by one of Jamie’s staff, and Thaliah’s luggage was wheeled away while Thaliah checked herself in.

In less than fifteen minutes, she’s inside her private shuttle looking down at Norway from her window…

“Saying good bye?”

The voice surprised Thaliah as she stared to her right and smiled bitterly, “Actually, I already have, Jean…”

Jean looked at the Winner family’s youngest girl and shook his head, “I can see that you won’t talk about it so I’ll shut up for now…”

Thaliah nodded, “Thank you…”

Jean touched the tip of his hat in acknowledgement, “We’re off in five minutes…” then he left…

Thaliah touched a shaking hand to her lips then pressed her hand to her window… “Good bye…” she whispered…

~*~

Trowa stared at the street where Thaliah had waved good bye to him and driven off… Still shocked from what he’d heard…

Then, a smile tugged at the tip of his lips and he started to smile widely… The whole world seemed to make sense to him and he wanted to shout for joy! Instead, he just grinned at the bluest blue sky and at the greenest green grass he has ever seen, turned around and slapped his door happily.

He closed the door, went to his living room and lay down on the couch, closing his eyes as he remembered Thaliah’s face while she said those three simple words that gave him so much happiness…

Then, his eyes widened and he sat up in bed… He finally understood what he himself is feeling… all his confusion has fled… He is in love with Thaliah… He loves vibrant, caring, temperamental, impulsive Thaliah Locklin!

He grabbed his phone to dial her number but then stopped… ‘She isn’t home… Besides, she said it to me in person… She deserves nothing less…’ Trowa thought happily… ‘Tomorrow… Tomorrow I’ll go to her house and I’ll tell her…’

Trowa happily went into his kitchen, ready to fix himself a meal, his happiness overriding that nagging feeling that something is wrong…

His food is burnt once again, but everything tasted heavenly to him…

Trowa stepped away from his new motorcycle, using it for the first time… ‘He performed like a dream…’ he murmured as his hand patted the handles. He looked at Thaliah’s door and smiled… Finally… He couldn’t sleep last night because of the excitement he was feeling!

He went to the door and rang the bell… Trowa waited but no one answered… His smile didn’t falter as he tried again… He looked at his watch… 9:00 am… she should be awake by now… But again, there wasn’t any answer…

He heard a car roar down the street and stop in front of Thaliah’s door… A plump lady came out of the red car, wearing a ruffly dress.

“What do you need?” she asked briskly as she went to the trunk and opened it.

“I was just trying to get inside…” Trowa replied, though he isn’t smiling any more… he still feel like he’s in seventh heaven.

The woman frowned, “Are you someone who’s interested in renting this house? It’s fully furnished…” she said, her voice becoming friendlier.

Trowa frowned and felt his happiness slip, “I’m sorry… I’m under the impression that a Ms. Thaliah Locklin lives here…”

The woman pursed her lips, “Oh. She did… Now she’s gone.”

Trowa stared at the woman as if she’d grown two heads, the shinning sun didn’t seem so warm any more as he felt coldness envelop him… Then, he saw it… A for rent sign being tugged out of the trunk of the purple car and he knew that she wasn’t kidding…

Trowa’s throat felt dry as he asked her a question, “When… when did she leave?”

The woman tilted her head, “Oh, yesterday… She called and well… she always paid her bills in time so, I’m pretty sad that I lost such a customer…”

Trowa didn’t hear what the woman said except for the word ‘yesterday’… He remembered how he felt that something was wrong with Thaliah… remembered how her good bye seemed so sad and final…

Disbelief surged through him… No! She couldn’t have left… after… after telling him what she had…

He ran to his cycle and it roared to life… His mind, trained to work under stress, working vigorously.

‘Grayson… He’ll know where she is… They were good friends…’ Trowa thought as he sped along the streets and finally came to rest upon an apartment complex. He’s been here before, when Thaliah had dropped off a pecan pie for Grayson… And now, he’s here once more but by himself. His nearly photographic memory served him as he stopped in front of door number 47. He knocked loud and hard.

“Coming!” came Grayson’s muffled voice.

The door opened and Grayson, in his house robe, saw a pale-faced Trowa and knew what has happened.

“Grayson, do you know where Thaliah is?”

Grayson hated it… lying to Trowa… but he gave his promise to Thaliah… He shook his head asking innocently, “Isn’t she in her house?”

Trowa shoved his hand through his hair, “No! She’s not there! She left!” He stared at Grayson and asked once again, “Are you sure you don’t know where she is?”

Grayson gulped… He felt as though Trowa’s stare could look inside him… But… he made a promise and once again, he shook his head, “No… I’m sorry… Did you have a quarrel?”

For the first time, Grayson saw Trowa Barton look defeated as he shook his head.

“No… We didn’t… Thank you for your help anyway…”

Trowa turned away from Grayson and walked slowly back to his bike.

Grayson forced himself to stay put in his house and not to shout at Trowa…

“Honey? Who was at the door?”

Grayson looked one last time at Trowa and then shut his door, “No one… Just someone lost…”

~*~

Trowa stared at his cycle as not even the sight of it made him feel happy… ‘Heero… what would you do…?’ Trowa thought as he leaned against his cycle with his arms crossed over his chest… The principal would never give out personal information…

An image of Heero in front of a computer appeared in his mind and hope flared once again in Trowa… “Of course…!” he muttered as he sat back on his cycle and headed for his own house…

When he reached it, he quickly entered and sat in front of the computer, turning it on… ‘Hacking into the school’s private files will be easy…’ Trowa thought as he started typing on the keyboard…

In a matter of minutes, Trowa got in… He typed in Thaliah’s name and her file came up…

He smiled as he learned when her birthday is… September, and learned that she’s the same age as Quatre… Then, he frowned at the address… Sanct Kingdom…

He quickly jotted down the address and the phone and tried to trace it… To his surprise, he found that the address is Relena’s address and the phone is Relena’s own personal phone! Or was…

“What’s going on here…?” Trowa muttered… he remembered what Thaliah had said, ‘She was the one who gave me my letter of recommendation…’

“But… It should be her own personal address and phone that’s written in the personal records!” Trowa said to no one… “Why would Relena let Thaliah write her address as her own…? We’re they that close?” Trowa remembered how Thaliah had seemed so much in pain when she heard of Relena’s death and knew that the answer to the last question was yes…

Why???

An image of Duo appeared in his thoughts… Duo who’s usually happy go lucky… the person who is ever laughing and cheerful… At first, Trowa had thought that Duo was just a stupid careless busybody… but later on, he learned that he is an orphan… That he chooses to live life happily and not dwell in the painful past, unlike Trowa… And he covers his pain with his bright smile…

Trowa looked at the screen, ‘Is Thaliah the same as Duo? Does she hide her pain behind a bright smile the way he does…?’ he remembered her telling him that she has eight other older sisters who has names from the Greek Muses mythology… ‘That would explain having so many sisters… If she’s an orphan…’

Trowa smacked the palm of his hand to his forehead, “Why didn’t I ask her about her past more..?” They’ve talked of so many things… How a bird sings so beautifully, or how the trees are so tall…

Trowa started to search through the computer again for Thaliah… Finally, he found a match…

Writing down the number, he dialed it quickly…

“Hello, Locklin residence.”

“Good Afternoon… I’m trying to reach a Ms. Thaliah Locklin?”

“Ms. Locklin, sir? What would you want with her? She canna’ speak to you because she is deaf…”

Trowa stared at the phone in his hand… deaf…‘It’s not her…’

“Hello?”

“I’m sorry… I think I have the wrong number…” Trowa falteringly said and he dropped the phone back on the receiver…

He stared back at his computer, his hands flying over the keyboard, “Thaliah… where are you…?”

~*~

Eight hours later, Trowa finally gave up. He stared at the computer and shook it with both hands, then he grabbed the keyboard and banged it hard against the table in frustration…

He felt as though someone had gut-punched him and all oxygen left him… He slumped against the seat and held his head in his hands… So this is how it feels… To finally want something… to feel something so beautiful only to have it whisked away from his fingertips…

His heart aches… He used to only hear that expression and dismiss such notion… now he knows what it meant and how it feels…

Trowa bit his lip and his head bent forward while his hand cupped his forehead… “Why can’t I find you…?” he whispered… his voice catching in his throat as he started to cry… He cried consciously not like when he was in outer space and he destroyed Duo’s gundam… His whole body rocked with sobs…

He looked up at the useless computer once again and the photographs of Catherine and Quatre caught his attention…

He remembered Quatre saying, “If you need someone to talk to Trowa… I’m always here…We all are… Heero and Duo… If you’re in trouble, come to my home… You’re welcome here… I want you to be a part of my family… if you’d accept it…I’ll help you anyway I can… I promise…”

Thaliah’s voice echoed in his mind, “Home is where you’re welcomed and where you are loved…”

And Trowa knew right then and there that he needs the others help… If not to find Thaliah… then to listen to him…

He picked up the phone and dialed the airport. “A ticket to the Gaia colony for tomorrow please… yes, first class… Thank you…”

Trowa walked to the closet right behind the front door, reached up on the highest shelf and jerked out a knapsack…

His apartment is furnished… He’s already paid a month’s rent in advance… the only personal things he has is his clothes, the computer and Quatre and Cathy’s picture in his bedroom… He looked at the computer… He could just leave it here… Give it as a present to his landlord… His motorcycles, he can have stored at Ed’s shop…

So, he started taking out his clothes and re-folding them to fit into his sack… When he finished, he looked around him and didn’t feel as if he’s loosing anything… ‘This isn’t home after all… this is just a house…’ Trowa thought…

He slept fitfully that night, dreaming of the nightmares he thought had stopped to haunt him… But now that Thaliah’s gone… it all came back to him… But, this time, she’s a part of it… He couldn’t find her and she kept on slipping from his grasp…

Trowa went to the airport feeling more depressed than ever… It didn’t show physically, after all, he has mastered the art of hiding behind a mask for almost his entire life, but his friends would have noticed it the moment they laid eyes on him, and he knows that…

The hours seemed like days while the shuttle traveled outside the Earth’s atmosphere and Trowa didn’t look back at the view of the Earth behind them… It reminds him too much of Thaliah…

Finally, they landed on Gaia… Trowa had requested the airlines to have transportation ready for him, and he could already see his name on a board as he walked out of the terminal.

With only his knapsack as luggage, Trowa followed the man to his cab.

“Where to, sir?”

“Winner Mansion.” Trowa replied promptly.

The man smiled at Quatre’s last name and Trowa felt so proud that he is a friend of a man admired by so many people…

He was dropped off, but before the man left, he rolled down his window, “Could you please tell Mr. Winner that we hope he’s feeling well?” the man asked with a hopeful smile.

Trowa nodded, “I will…” then the cab left… He looked at the huge house inside an estate with a fountain in the middle of a circular drive and he walked to the wall with the buzzer, pressing it.

Henry’s face appeared on the screen and a smile showed itself on the old man’s face. “Master Trowa, it’s a pleasure to see you! I’ll send Erlin down immediately…”

Trowa nodded and turned off the monitor.

A minute later, a golf cart pulled up from inside the gate and a smiling man came out and opened the gate. “Master Trowa! Why didn’t you tell us that you were coming? We could have been the one to pick you up from the airport!” Erlin exclaimed as he dropped Trowa’s bag in the back.

“I’m glad you still know me Erlin…” Trowa said with a faint smile.

“Eh… You must be joking if you think I’d forget any of my Master’s best friends!” he said sarcastically.

Trowa smiled… he needs his friends right now… He couldn’t believe how lucky he is to have friends like them…

The cart pulled up at the white mansion’s front door and Henry promptly opened it.

“Good afternoon, Henry.” Trowa greeted with a nod, and the man smiled back.

Suddenly, a woman spoke from behind Henry.

“Henry, who’s at the door?” Trowa’s heart jumped… he knows that voice! He could see a twinkle of mischief in Henry’s eyes as he turned sideways and Trowa stared at a smiling blonde haired woman in front of him…

Trowa had to blink a couple of times before he could be sure he wasn’t seeing things…

He heard the cart wheel off before he could finally utter a word. “Relena…?”

Relena smiled wider, “Trowa! You recognized me!” she exclaimed in delight.

“You’re not… dead..!” he still couldn’t believe it!

Relena looked behind him and motioned for Trowa to go inside. He complied and Henry closed the door behind them.

“Yes, I’m alive… But, only Quatre, Henry, Rashid, and now Abdul, not to mention my husband who knows that I’m alive…” Relena rambled off… She’s usually good with conversations, except with two people… mysterious Trowa and sarcastic Wufei…

To her utter surprise, Trowa smiled at her, then hugged her, “You’re alive…” he whispered once again before he let go as he held her shoulders…

Trowa couldn’t believe it! An answer to his prayers! After thinking that all might be lost in finding Thaliah… Relena is alive and now she could tell him where Thaliah’s living!

Relena stared at Trowa in surprise… Did he just hug her?

Trowa suddenly frowned… Did Relena just say she has a husband? He glanced down at her ring finger and found a simple gold band and he stared back into her eyes in disbelief… “You’re married..!”

Relena nodded, “Yes…”

She didn’t need to tell him… he could see the joy and love in her eyes as if her deepest wish and dream has come true… And there’s only one person who can do that to her…

“Heero.” Trowa said plainly, feeling happy for his friend as Relena nodded with a smile. “Congratulations.” Trowa said in a soft but happy voice…

Relena couldn’t put a finger on it, but Trowa has definitely changed! He seems more… open?

Suddenly, the hands holding her shoulders tightened and Relena saw the urgency in his eyes…

“Relena, please… Tell me where Thaliah lives…”

Relena is so surprised at Trowa’s actions that she could only stare at him and not comprehend what he is saying…

Trowa saw the look of confusion on Relena’s face and thought that maybe she knows more than one Thaliah. So he tried again, “Relena, please tell me where Thaliah Locklin lives… You gave her a letter of recommendation to Brownings in Norway and it was your phone number and address that’s listed in her application… not hers! Please tell me…” Trowa knew he was begging, but he couldn’t help himself…

Thaliah’s name finally penetrated through Relena’s thoughts… She remembered how Thaliah had asked her to keep her identity a secret… That she’s going to use a different name… Locklin… Relena looked up at Trowa… If Trowa’s asking for Thaliah Locklin… That means that he doesn’t know her secret! And damn it! She can’t back down on a promise to tell Trowa! She has to lie!

Relena shook her head, “Trowa… I’m sorry… But, I haven’t seen or heard from Thaliah since I wrote her recommendation letter over a year ago. I’m so sorry…”

Trowa’s shoulders slumped forward and he couldn’t mask the feeling of dejection that he feels… “It’s alright Relena… Thank you… Where is Quatre?”

Relena placed a hand on Trowa’s shoulder as he turned away from her… ‘This is the first time I’ve heard so much from Trowa… I can’t just let him turn away especially when he looks like he needs to talk…’ Relena thought with concern… “I’ll do my best to look for her, Trowa…” and to try to talk to that hardheaded stubborn woman when I see her…

“Quatre is in another colony right now, fixing a sabotaged plant.”

Trowa frowned, “Sabotage? Is someone trying to hurt him?”

Relena shook her head, “Someone is trying to hurt his business so he can’t be able to buy out someone…” she said in an angry voice.

Trowa walked towards the parlor, “Tell me what happened.”

Relena smiled as she gambled, “Only if you tell me what happened with Thaliah.”

Trowa stopped walking and looked back at the smiling Relena… He needed someone to talk to… and Relena knows Thaliah… Information for information… Trowa nodded. “Alright.”

Henry served some snacks to them as they talked. When the sun is finally setting, they finished…

“So, Rena… You’re telling me that our little Quatre finally found a special someone?” Trowa asked in a teasing voice.

Relena couldn’t believe it! She’s actually enjoying talking to Trowa! Most of the time, he’s impassive, but then, he would suddenly smile and tease! Relena’s eyebrows went up and down as she smiled, “Oh yeah… The little chipmunk wouldn’t even dare to not call her for a day!”

Then, Trowa became serious, “And what about Wufei? Have you guys heard from him again since two days ago?”

Relena shook her head, “No… We’re all worried sick for him…”

Trowa suddenly yawned and Relena felt guilty making him talk so much when it shows how much he needs to rest!

“Trowa, come on… I’ll walk you to your room. You need some sleep!” Trowa was about to protest when another yawn broke through.

He nodded and let Relena guide him to his room… There wasn’t even any time to change. The moment he hit the bed, he fell asleep.

Relena bit her lip as she closed Trowa’s door, her concern for both Trowa and Thaliah flittering in her mind. It’s time for supper and Heero will be calling sometime tonight… She can’t start looking for Thaliah just yet, she needs the phone lines to be open… But darn it! Thaliah! What happened?! You just said that you loved him…

Relena woke up to the warm sunshine filtering through the room Quatre gave her. She quickly changed and looked for Henry.

“Henry, is he awake yet?”

Henry shook his head, “Jet lag and lack of sleep as far as I can see…”

Relena nodded, “Well, don’t let anyone make any unnecessary noises… Trowa needs rest.”

Henry nodded. “Yes Ms. Rena…”

Relena laughed, “I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used being called that name…”

Henry smiled, “What about Mrs. Yuy?”

A dreamy smile appeared on Relena’s face, “Now that I can get used to…” She snapped out of it and saw a mischievously grinning Henry, “Anyway… I’m going to Quatre’s apartment… I’m pretty sure that he’s got some fruits or trash to take out…”

Henry nodded, “I’ll ask Ilya to drive you.”

Relena smiled, “Thanks Henry…”

~*~

Trowa woke up and checked his watch… he frowned… 5:30!!! That means… he’s almost slept the whole day?! He looked down at himself and saw that he’s still wearing the same clothes he was yesterday… He quickly showered and dressed and went outside just as he heard his stomach grumble…

He saw Relena pacing around the parlor and wringing her wrists in worry. She was thinking so hard that she didn’t even notice his entry.

“Relena, what’s wrong?”

She gasped in surprise as she turned around and faced Trowa. “Trowa! You’re awake!”

At that moment, Henry came inside, “Ms. Rena we’ve sent the limousine to the airport as ordered.”

“Good. Thank you Henry. And please, could you bring something to eat for Trowa?”

Henry nodded and went out of the parlor with a smile.

Relena sat down on the couch and she motioned for Trowa to do the same. Trowa remained silent as he waited for her to start.

“I just met Aria…”

Trowa’s right eyebrow went up, “The girl Quatre is crazy about? How is she?”

Relena smiled, “She’s sweet… definitely… I can easily see Quatre and her together… but she’s also a little troubled… Darn it! I hope Quatre gets here in time!” Relena said as she pounded a fist on the couch.

“Get here in time for what? Relena?” Trowa asked, confused.

“I don’t exactly know what’s happening… But, Quatre is returning right now because Aria is going to leave… she said that it might be dangerous for Quatre if she stays… She sounds like she’s in trouble…”

Trowa frowned, concerned for his friend, and the woman his friend cares about. “I’m sure that Quatre will never let anything happen, Relena…”

Relena nodded, “I just hope so…”

Henry came inside with food good for two and Trowa and Relena ate an early dinner.

They waited in the parlor for any word from Quatre… It’s been over two hours when the phone suddenly rang.

Relena quickly lunged for it, “Hello, Good evening?”

Trowa can see the look of relief then horror on Relena’s face. “We’ll be right there, Quatre…”

Relena looked over at Trowa and relayed the message, “Quatre was able to stop Aria from leaving, he couldn’t give me the details, but he said that they’ve just intercepted another message from Wufei… and this one seems very serious… There’s a salvage team outside right now trying to look for the shuttle Heero had sent to Wufei…”

Trowa stood up, “I’m ready to go…”

Relena nodded, “I… I just need to get something in my room…”

Trowa saw Relena run to the other end of the hall… ‘Poor Relena… she’s so stressed…’

He waited for Relena for only a few minutes then he saw running back, carrying a large bag over her shoulder. He looked at her questioningly but she shyly looked away as she clutched at the bag…

The car was waiting for them in front of the mansion and in a matter of minutes, they reached the airport.

Relena led the way, having spent much time in airports because of her old job and she reached the communications tower before Trowa.

Trowa was about to open the door when he heard Relena say in her cheerful voice, “I’ve brought a friend along, Quatre.”

Trowa opened the door and saw Quatre stare at him then run up to him and hug him.

“Hey Quatre…”

“Trowa!” Quatre let go of him and stared at him, knowing that something is wrong. He turned to face the girls, “We’re just going out and talk…”

Aria and Relena nodded with a smile.

Quatre closed the door behind him and faced Trowa, “Trowa! You look so healthy! Have you finally gained some weight?” Quatre noticed his friend’s troubled face. “What’s wrong, Trowa..?” Quatre asked in a soft voice…

It must have been the concern in his friend’s voice… or maybe he’s just so emotionally unbalanced at the time because of jetlag, but suddenly, tears clouded his eyes as the words tumbled from his lips.

Quatre bit his lip as, though not for the first time, he saw Trowa look so helpless. Trowa finished his story, his face being covered by his hands and Quatre couldn’t say anything…

“Trowa… I’ll help you look for her… I promise…”

Trowa drew in a shuddering breath, wiped his tears with his sleeve and faced Quatre, as he tried to regain control, “What about you and Aria? I’d like to know what happened, if you don’t mind?”

Quatre beamed him a smile and tried to be cheerful for his sad friend as he told her how he first met Aria, until what happened just a few hours ago…

“Scum.” Trowa muttered darkly as Quatre finished his story. “Her father is a scum. I’m glad you told him off… Good job, Quatre…” He turned away from Quatre, stood up and stared into the square glass window in the middle of the door and saw Aria talking to Relena, both women smiling… And somehow, he knows that this woman is just right for Quatre, just as Relena said they were. Trowa looked at Quatre and smiled faintly, “I like her.”

Quatre smiled sheepishly, knowing what Trowa meant, “Thanks Trowa…” he glanced at his watch and looked at Trowa, “I think that it might be time to go back inside. Remind me to call information if Aria’s father really went back to Earth, okay Trowa?”

Trowa nodded and gently pushed Quatre inside.

They weren’t inside for more than a few minutes when the speaker announced the arrival of the salvage team at Deck 4 level 2. They hurried to that level and Trowa frowned at how crushed the shuttle looked.

He could hear the stream of command from Quatre, but his eyes were focused on the two white suites being brought out by three gray suits…

They ran down the stairs just as the gravity was turned on and Trowa could see the concern etched on everyone’s faces…

Trowa saw as one of the white suits took off his helmet… he frowned as flowing red hair escaped and fell… No way! It’s a woman…?! He saw her slap away a helping hand from Wufei’s still body and he could feel the pain she’s feeling… She’s afraid that she might loose someone precious to her! Dammit! Where are those doctors! Trowa looked around for the medics, but the sight of Aria running to the couple caught his attention and he was even more surprised when she tore a piece of her shirt.

He could hear the disbelief from Quatre as he asked Aria what she’s doing…

“I forgot to tell you, Quatre… I’m a doctor…” came the reply. Trowa laughed softly at the ironic situation… And felt a growing sense of admiration for Aria as she cried out orders to the medics…

Trowa caught the red haired girl’s clear green eyes and saw her pain and concern for Wufei and he tried to give her a reassuring smile.

~*~

A few moments later, they were all inside a car driving towards the nearest hospital… He could hear snatches of conversation between Aria and the other, but it was enough for Trowa to know that Wufei is in a very critical condition. His eyes went to the girl’s and his heart went to her, knowing how it is to loose someone you love just as you thought you have it… He just felt it not more than two days ago…

Trowa leaned to the girl and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, “Don’t worry, Wufei is a fighter, and we’ll do everything we can to save him…” he could see hope glimmer in her eyes and that was enough…

Trowa looked over at Relena who seems so much more stressed and worried and noticed her right arm deep inside her huge bag. When she saw Trowa’s gaze on her, she quickly pulled it out and blushed furiously.

He was about to ask her what’s inside but they finally pulled up in front of the hospital.

The group could only watch as Aria accompanied Wufei through the steel doors… And without anything more to do, they seated themselves while they waited for the news…

(Well * grin *… How did I do? Any comments or criticisms are openly accepted to KIT… Wufei’s story will be coming up shortly…)